Panico

Today marks the first day that I have begun to feel that familiar feeling I like to call panic. Nerves. Pre-departure jitters. Freaking the hell out. I think it was the planning of the going away party that finally got me. Either that or the fact that this time next week I will be on a plane out of here, not to return for nearlly a year. Or that for some reason my iTunes is dredging up all the 'goodbye' songs I downloaded for graduation on shuffle. Maybe a little of all. Either way, feeling a little fragile. I just realised that tonight is the last night I will go to sleep to wake up to an Australian Thursday. Tomorrow my last Thursday. Then my last Friday. Oh my god, this weekend is my last weekend. I'm planning to go to the city to say goodbye to my favourite places. I'm half expecting to burst into tears when I get off the train. 'Farewell dear reliable public transport. You shall be forever in my heart.' Heh, it's like I'm dying. How melodramatic. You know what else I'm going to miss? Spending whole days on the computer. Thinking 'Hey, I'm hungry' and just helping myself to something from the fridge. Downloading whatever I want, whenever I want (provided Curtis isn't being a dick). THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. I know I'm not talking about the important stuff like my family and such but for some reason I'm thinking about the little things that I usually take for granted in every day life.
You know what else I've been thinking about? I am going to lose my identity. Yep. To most people I will not be Rachel, oh no, I will have a different name. I will be... The Exchange Student (or 'L'allievo di scambio'. To most people, I will not have no personality other than the fact that I am an exchange student. If that makes sense. At least for a while, until I gain enough of an understanding of Italian to be able to convey an actual personality. And that makes no sense. Never mind.
Oh that's just what I need, Delta Goodrem. It's like the powers that be are yelling 'Cry! Cry damnit!' and smacking the back of my head.